Spontaneous Human Attraction

her smell is trapped in my shirt. she stayed late last night. we took turns falling asleep and waking up. i wish i could say everything on here that was worth saying. her skin is softer than silk. her hair tickled my face. gah, her smell is still trapped in my shirt. reguardless, it was beautiful.

honestly

nothing could make me forget tonight. everything was perfect to the t. her smell is trapped in my blankets and cloths. i see her face in the music we were listening to.

today.

ok so i talked to ms.darling all day today too. iono it kinda hit me again that for her to actually be with me "he" has to break up with her, cus she wont break up with him, im sure. she likes him i can tell. even though all of that i still know shs worth waiting. its kinda killing me. like i want nothing more than to hold her, and just forget about things. she is perfect.

2:36 a.m. christmas morning

ms.darling and i are talking, thats good enough for tonight(:

christmas eve

the only thing i want tomarrow is to see ms.darling. it seemed like she had a bad night last night. iono it could be just me thinking too deep, which is usually the case, but iono somethign had me thinking she was having a bad night, i just wanted to give her a hug. darling and her friends called over here and we talked on the phone for a little, our convorsations are never exciting, but its cus i cant talk to her the way i could without boundaries. i want so bad jsut to be able to hold her and kiss her let her know how truly beautiful and amazing she is. she seemed pessimistic last night, i wanted to give her a million compliments, but she fell off to sleep before i could get a good convorsation started. i just miss her... i miss someone who ive met one time, and has made an impact on me like no other person has. she has made me fall completly head over heels. i will wait for her cus i know she truly deserves it, and nothing would make me happier than to be with her. i wish i could show you all pictures of her, but the whole point of calling her ms.darling is so she doesnt get in trouble with her boyfriend, because as much as i want to be with her, but it has to be the right way. god i just miss seeing her face, and giving her hugs, which is just an excuse to touch her. gah, but i cant think of anything alse to talk about, and i miss ms.darling too much to type about anything but pessimism.

how are you

thank you for accepting my invitation lol.

so how are you?

im not sure if you have msn or not, but my thing is berts_lil_homeboy@hotmail.com im on alot, and usually bored out of my mind lol.

goodmorning. thank you for staying up with me through last night/this morning. i hope i really dont creep you out, and you werent just being modest. you truly are beautiful, dont let anyone tell you different. meeting you, whether it was on the internet or not, has been a nice experiance, and i thank you. you have a wonderful day full of exciting events, and hopefully you are down to talk to me later. good day ms.darling.

hola bonita. lol thanks for phone-ditching me. i kid.but yeah, i want to talk to you today if its okay with you (: < yeah i definitely stole that shit. but, darlin you have a good day, im about to head over to one of my buddies houses and play some video games and watch ufc. and incase noone has told you today, you are beautiful.

i really hope none of this makes you feel uncomfortable, but im going to be honest. like i know its crazy too, it shouldnt work like this, but its like a movie where the guys sees a girl walking in the street and instantly falls for her, but like it was your picture, like all of your pictures just radiate happiness. like you smile tells so much, like you are genuinly sweet. its nice like you wouldnt believe. i know close to nothing about you and i genuinely want to know more. plus, everytime i forget a reason why i like you, you say something on msn that creates a new reason to believe how sweet you are. the fact that you can talk to me and not be annoyed, and how easily it is to flatter you, and how fucking cute it is when you say you are flattered. like to be honest to the fullest extent without sounding selfish, i kinda want to steal you from your boyfriend, that seems heartless, but its like iono. hes lucky. i try so hard not to sound like im crazy, and i swear im not, i dont know what it is. you are one of the most beautiful creatures on this planet and it kills me. honestly, if we were to date i would make you never regret it, i would make everyday just as fantastic as the last, and better if im capable of doing so. i wish i could be poetic and say something that would make you fall in love with me and not have a care in the world but how im going to amaze you tomarrow. you are just amazing ms.darling, and i could see myself truly being happy doing nothing but things to make you smile so i could earn a glimpse at your single dimple for the rest of the days, and maybe make you smile enough to make another one. we could live the rest of our lives with you sleeping on your side and i holding you falling asleep with one of my legs chilly since you sleep with one leg out of the blanket, but i would take a cold leg if it meant spending a night with you. all of this seems like a fairy tale, but i know its possible and i know i could make you happy, and give you attention, and cuddle with you when you are upset, and listen to the things you have to say, and be intrested in things you are intrested in, and hold you on cold nights, and listen to your breath soften as you fall asleep in my arms, and hold hands with you wherever we went, and when people notice us i would give you a kiss on the cheek so they know were not just friends, and show you off like a muscle car, and wrestle with you and occasionally let you win, and steal the blankets from you in the middle of the night so you retalliate and start a random cuddlefest, and listen to sad music with you and smile because everything they are saying in the song is a lie becuase of how happy we are holding eachother in that moment. and kiss you incessantly period, and squeeze you. i just want to make you happy... i really do want to know if you and your boyfriend werent dating if you would date me, so i can have something legit to fuel my wait for you to become single again, besides the fact that you are simply amazing. you have no clue how afraid i am to send this, i was reading my horiscope and it said something like not to open up too much today because it may end in failure, but i cant contain myself, i felt compelled to say all of these things. but i think you went to sleep, so i hope you have a good day in school. and ill try and get ahold of you later today. "her" invited to me your friends birthday party, im definitly going to try and go with "him" so i can see you in person, if you want me to go after this message, like i dont want you to feel uncomfortable. you have a good day darling. and i allmost forgot you are beautiful. you are b-u-t-ful. you are beautiful. you are buhyooteafool. you are beautiful. you are beautiful, as weel as sweet. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are beautifu. you are beautiful. you are beautiful-ful. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. yu are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are cuter than all. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are amazing. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are BEAUTIFUL. you are georgous. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. you are one of the prettiest girls ever. you are beautiful. you are beautiful. that shirt you wore today was cute, those shoes are adorable, you smile could end wars, you eyes are unfathomable, and if looks could kill you would be a ninja. i figured i would just give you all of the compliments that you should have gotten today in school but didn't, and i hope this makes the rest of the day better for you darlin.

so last night when we were listnening to the cuddle music, it kinda got to me. you honestly have no clue how bad i just want you to tell me that you and your boyfriend broke up before anything got serious. not because im better or anything, but just because it was worth the shot. honestly, i will wait for you, but everytime i talk to you i grow more and more hungry to just hold you, and even since ill be seeing you friday. i want to be able to give you the biggest kiss on the cheek and a nice long hug, and just melt into the moment and be happy in that moment with us being the happiest at that party. i want so badly to be able to say,"THAT, is my girlfriend. that girl, right there, actually picked me." when you talk to me, every word sends smile throughout me like some sort of amazing viris that hasnt been discovered yet. i want to be able to kiss your dimple and listen to sigur ros and make our own reason to love them while we hold eachother and fall asleep in eachothers arms creating this amazing dream world where nothing matters, just those moments. i honestly dont know your situation between you and your boyfriend. im not saying i can treat you better or make you happier than he can, cus you are the only one who really knows these things, but i think i would make a damned good effort to try and be that person that makes you infinately happy, where your cares melt away with the words i tell you, and the emotions i can create for you, and hold you tighter than anyone could. i couldnt sleep a wink last night, cus its the first time i got offline without telling you goodnight and sweet dreams on msn, like i would wake up and look over at the computer and think that maybe that one time me telling you goodnight and sweet dreams would have done it for you, that you would want me to be with you. you honetly dont know your value ms.darling, and whether you like it or not you are STUCK with me till you tell me to just fuck off. i want to find more and more reasons to fall deeper into this dream, and i call it a dream cus i know i cant have you. like, i want you and your boyfriend to break up, and i understand for that to happen at least one of you has to be upset, and that kills me, especially to the fact that if you and i were dating it would kill me when it did end. but at the same time, i wish like none other for that one day friday you were taking a break from your boyfriend just to test the waters for you to see that i can make it worth it, and that i can make you happy. i just want the whole party to move arround us, our bubble that we make. megan, i want you to have a beautiful day darling. and incase, yet again, no one called you beautiful today, i will now. you ms.darling are one of the most beautiful creatures on the face of this earth, and have given me another reason to be ecstatic. and yet agian, have a grand day darling.so i will wait darling.

my hopes are though the roof for seeing you tomarrow, i even went as far as sitting out my outfit for tomarrow, tonight, because i wanted to make sure i would be cute for you. as ive said before i want to give you a hug tomarrow, and itll be long, but if it gets too long just tell me okay, thats if you are willing to hug me. you have my mind racing, im so afraid to push you away by saying something or doing something. i want to be honest, and i have been, just i havnt been saying everything. iono, like im not one to hurt peoples feelings, and i dont expect you to either, but i want so bad for you to just tell me tomarrow that your boyfriend broke up with you or some freaky happening occurred where you two are no longer dating, just so i can be honest with my feelings and give you a kiss. please dont take this as i want you to break up with him, cus ultamately i want you to be happy, one of the reasons i like you so much is because you are sweet and its hard to be sweet when you are unhappy. you wouldnt be dating him in the first place if he didnt make you happy in some way. iono i feel like you want to be with me, but theres no way i could know, and not know is killing me but its nice, i cant explain it.. and also i do like the fact that even if you do want to be with me you arent just breaking up with him. whether that be the case or not, it shows you ar a faithful person, and that also draws me towards you. i want to be with someone i can trust with my life. someone i can grow old with and after all of my friends have come and go ill have you to sit with me and hold the convorsations and keep my sanity. reguardless if you do feel the same or not i will wait till you tell me not to, and till then ill have that hope that someday i will be able to be with you. iono like ive had bad days when i talked to you, and all of that went away when you just talked to me. seeing your face in the corner of the screen was all i needed to calm my nerve. you truly are a gem megan, and i honestly think that i could truly love you, and i dont mean "i love you" like said to a close friend, i mean "i love you" like you say to someone a million times before the sun falls and a million times after that. im talking about the kind of love that they write movies about, and beautiful songs are sang about. love that brings people to their knees, and gives hope to those who havnt experianced it. you fill me up with emotion ms.darling like no one has, and it all started because i saw your face on the internet. thank you for actually taking a chance in adding me not knowing that i was going to fall for you like i did. tomarrow when i hug you if you feel something, like i know i will, i want you to completly consider taking a chance in being with me. and i hope im not putting pressure on you that you dont need, i just want so bad for you to feel a connection and maybe take that leap of faith. i hope you have a wonderful night, and the sweetest of sweet dreams as only you deserve.

darling. you have made me smile a thousand smiles in this past week. you have made me think a thousand thoughts. you have made me dream the best dreams. and i will write you more letters. and i will collect my pennies for you. megan, honestly i havnt met a girl that seems so real. like iono all of the girls at that party were pretty, but none of them had anything on you. in my eyes, for someone to truly be beautiful, they have to be sweet as well as pretty, and you blow those barriers away darling. i truly cannot wait till i can hold you. and the day you come to visit me, i will make it memorable for you. ms.darling, i was thinking about it last night, and i hope im not pushing you. i only want to try and sway your answer. if i do get you darling, i want it to be fair to "him" too. i dont know him, but i still respect him. he does have you in the first place, thats honorable enough. also to the fact that ive been trying my hardest to sway your decision and nothing has worked, he is truly a lucky boy. and all of that makes me want you so much more, someone honest. thats the only thing i believe makes a relationship is honesty, ive been in relationships before where it was fun, but lies were said and it lost everything with those lies. i can promise to you i wont lie to you, like if it comes to something like "does my ass look big in these jeans?" ill tell you what you want to hear, but ive been honest with you darling. i swear i talk to you as i would if we were dating, but it would be alot easier if we actually were, cus then i would be past the whole "i have to get her" phase and be able to think. you bring me through so many emotions, but sadness, and that also is amazing ms.darling. i want to badly just to say the one thing im dying to say, but i will not scare you off. back to what i was saying about the girls at the party though, like "her" and all of her friends were asking me to dance, and like i know "her" i talk to her on msn and such, but she has nothing on you because when she asked me to dance, the only thing running through my head is how badly i wished it was you asking me, and i would have complied. ms.darling, i want to grow old with you, and raise our children, and sleep in a hammok on our porch facing the sunset, and i can make you healthy smoothies, and we can cuddlesize(which is cuddle wrestling), and we can have a big bed to sprawl out and be comfy, and i can covor my body with tattoed souvenirs of our life. i swear i am getting a red and white swirly balloon tattooed on me to remind me of you, even if we fall through completly i know you are the sweetest girl ive ever met, and the little pain from the tattoo would be worth having a constant reminder of how sweet you are, plus the fact that ive never seen balloons like that before. you truly make me happy, like i havnt tried to put on any facade to make myself look any different to you than i actually am, cus i dont want something to just pop up and shock you into not liking me, and i hope you havnt put a facade on for me, which i believe that you havnt. i WILL wait to be with you, as long as it takes darling, cus you truly are worth it in my eyes, no one else stands a chance. and i will make it a lifetime goal to wait till you see it in me, the same thing i see in you. i swear we will be perfect together, not that i could truly know that, but it takes two people trying to make a relationship work, and i see how you are trying with aaron and it makes me want you so much more, i want that commitment, i want someone who would do the same for me as you are for him. if i could make a wish it would be that you and him werent dating for sure, but i wouldnt wish that because it would mean it was taking an experiance away in your life that made you who you are, even if yall have only been dating for a short time, every relatioship counts and makes you who you are in other relationships. like ive never went long without a girlfriend, from freshman year to the summer of 10th i dated the girl i lost my virginity to, and out of my nieveness i did cheat on her, and i will regret that till i die, you cant take it back and it creates a whole no one can fill. from my 10th grade to my 11th grade i dated this girl, she was nice, but her main priorty no matter the situation was to get fucked up off any drug she could get her hands on and her destructiveness translated to our relationship and caused problems between her mom and i, like her mom would blame me for the decisions she made like skipping school and coming home so high off drugs that she would stumble, when in all actuallity everytime i would threaten to break up with her to try and see if maybe i could help her, but i couldnt and i wasnt going to put myself in a relationship growing up with an addict. then the relationship i had after her was with this girl in "a state", and i lived with her for close to a year, her an i's relationship was best, its just as time went along i saw more and more things i didnt like about her, like she was only sweet to me, all of her devouted friends would come over and hang out, then as soon as they would leave she would talk shit about them, and towards the end of our relationship i fell out with her and i actually moved back down to "another state" to be with the druggy, but the day before i left ohio she cheated on me, and when i got back i was so blind to the fact that while i was in ohio she changed and i tried dating her again, it didnt work out and she moved to "another state". then i dated this girl, and she is like the girl who got away, cus the whole world was against her and i, like it was the one relationship that i was in where it just worked with no problems at all, but her ex boyfriend was moving back and made complications, and i didnt want her to be with me if she was still in love with him, thats when problems are caused, and if he made her happy i wanted her to be with him anywyas. and my most recent girlfriend's name was "her", she lives in "a place" and we dated for close to a year, but she literally broke up with me by not talking to me, or reading my messages, or listening to my voicemails, she just dissappeared. but, how i see it all of those mistakes and all of the good that came out of those relationships is what made me who i am today, made me realize that relatioships arent all about looks and its not allways about just romance, but capatablility too and i truly think i could be with you forever ms.darling, through the thick and thin. i truly do think i could make our relationship something worth writing a book and stories of our love will be passed through generations. i want our relationship to spark more relationships with us walking down the street holding hands and kissing so innocently. i will make everyday just as grand as the last darling, and if i can possibly top it i will. i know with words im never going to be able to sway your decision with "him", and thats awesome, and i know itll never get far enough for physicalness besides hugs and maybe a kiss on the cheek or your nose. i admire you ms.darling, i can see when you smile that they are real smiles, and it makes me smile. i dont know where i was going with the whole relationship history, but i guess its just information for you so it doesnt ketch you off guard if something is brough up about me cheating. its happened in the past, and i saw that its truly not worth it, you can take that for what you will, alot of people's oppinion is "once a cheater, allways a cheater" but its a lie, the reason men cheat is either they dont feel wanted in the relationship or they never cared in the first place, so said dr. phil, but ive also been cheated on and know the effect and i cant put someone through that, especially you. ive never really dated girls for looks alone, i was raised by my grandma on my dads side and mom for the mostpart and they both instilled the fact that nothing will satisfy, money or things i want, like a true girl worth it, and i know you are worth it. ive said it before that ill wait, and i will darling. none of this will be in vane i can assure you, if it takes years i will still talk to you, and give you the complements you deserve, and when i have the chance, hold you and let you know you are wanted by someone. in my lowest low i will think of you and i will smile, even if its for what could have been. i will wait till you can realize that i can make you happy and that i am worth it too. ive been arround thousands of girls, especially the two years i took dance, and ive seen how girls really are, something that guys rarely see, and i know that girls are like guys too, but some are just amazing, and you are one of those girls ms.darling, ive only seen a few and i know you are. i want so bad to say "it" to you, but im not sure if youll believe me because of how short weve known eachother, and i dont really know alot about you, but i know enough to know i do, the rest i can take as i get it. you amaze me everyday with something you say, and i want that as a perminance. that one day is all i can wish for, past that nothing else will matter but what i can do for you. "it" darling, and have a wonderful day, and i wish you all of the happiness your kind soul deserves. and im appologise for my ramble. and yet again "it."

its fine though cus your replies are perfect. im glad it had some effect on you thats all that matters. and truly, someday darling i will prove to you that none of this is a lie. "it" darling.