day 15

now to update on my fantastic existance. im still shocked to this day that she chose me. i hope for her it was worth it. i know shes happy with me like i am with her, but no one really knows her true feelings like she does. im afraid she has doubts, i dont think she does, but i know there is the possibility that she does and it kills me. she reassures me all of the time that shes happy so i know she is, its just i feel i could do more, like im not living up to the expectations of me for her. i just started working yesterday and the only thing i could think about the whole day is how i can actually take her on nice dates, and do things now that i have money. eventually ill be able to pick HER up and not her pick me up, but thats not money, thats months. i only have my permit. yeah, im 20 and only just have my permit. i want to take her downtown and we can eat some sushi. and after that go eat some yummy mint chocolate-chip icecream, our favorite, or watch a movie or anything cus i have money, finally. the job is fun too, like i clean up military homes that were recently moved out of, on base. all of the people i work with are cool people. lol my boss ms. betty called me joey allllll dayyyyy, im expecting it today too. im actually waiting for her son to pick me up on his way into work... so i must go. i love you ms. darling.

hello

so, to update the rest of the world, ms.darling and i are officially dating. im actually stuck at home right now cus i have a toothache from hell and ive been sleeping alot the past two days because of it. ill prolly go back to sleep after this. but yeah i truly am ecstatic that she said yes. iono i thought it would be a harder battle than what it was, but im glad it wasnt. i dont really know what else to write cus its hard to focus on this when the only thing i can think about is how much pain my face is feeling. and knowing my luck as soon as i fall asleep someone is going to wake me up.

Spontaneous Human Attraction

her smell is trapped in my shirt. she stayed late last night. we took turns falling asleep and waking up. i wish i could say everything on here that was worth saying. her skin is softer than silk. her hair tickled my face. gah, her smell is still trapped in my shirt. reguardless, it was beautiful.

honestly

nothing could make me forget tonight. everything was perfect to the t. her smell is trapped in my blankets and cloths. i see her face in the music we were listening to.

today.

ok so i talked to ms.darling all day today too. iono it kinda hit me again that for her to actually be with me "he" has to break up with her, cus she wont break up with him, im sure. she likes him i can tell. even though all of that i still know shs worth waiting. its kinda killing me. like i want nothing more than to hold her, and just forget about things. she is perfect.

2:36 a.m. christmas morning

ms.darling and i are talking, thats good enough for tonight(:

christmas eve

the only thing i want tomarrow is to see ms.darling. it seemed like she had a bad night last night. iono it could be just me thinking too deep, which is usually the case, but iono somethign had me thinking she was having a bad night, i just wanted to give her a hug. darling and her friends called over here and we talked on the phone for a little, our convorsations are never exciting, but its cus i cant talk to her the way i could without boundaries. i want so bad jsut to be able to hold her and kiss her let her know how truly beautiful and amazing she is. she seemed pessimistic last night, i wanted to give her a million compliments, but she fell off to sleep before i could get a good convorsation started. i just miss her... i miss someone who ive met one time, and has made an impact on me like no other person has. she has made me fall completly head over heels. i will wait for her cus i know she truly deserves it, and nothing would make me happier than to be with her. i wish i could show you all pictures of her, but the whole point of calling her ms.darling is so she doesnt get in trouble with her boyfriend, because as much as i want to be with her, but it has to be the right way. god i just miss seeing her face, and giving her hugs, which is just an excuse to touch her. gah, but i cant think of anything alse to talk about, and i miss ms.darling too much to type about anything but pessimism.